Week 3: 6-8 Week Spring Weight Loss Diet

It’s getting better!  The over-the-top cravings and self-sabotage over-eating and eating the wrong (self restricted) items settled down – finally. I didn’t see any weight loss on the scale or in the mirror or even in clothes until this week.  All of the sudden, I look thinner and my workouts are showing.  Maybe I’ve been putting on muscle so the weight hasn’t dropped, but I am losing my chubby stomach and I’m seeing definition in legs, arm and abs.  Which will make eating less much more doable.  I keep thinking about that supermodel quote ” Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”  True, but until I started seeing see results I forgot what it was like to have a thin boy.

This will be a good week!

Week 2: 6-8 Week Diet

Wow – that first week was a little rough!

Best thing I did – logged my eating, exercise and meditation time (added meditation, a spiritual component to smooth-out and balance myself) each day.  This week I am adding my on-line work and study times as well so I can really see how I use my time.  I also am adding general “feeling” for the day.  Along with trimming my body, I want to adjust my personal time management.  I want to do more in less time.  Also, I know that poor diet and time use typically has to do with other issues and triggers, so I am being watchful for that.

As I look through the entries last week, my worst thing was diet – I felt anxious and kind of upset emotionally and it showed up in my eating.  I also need to keep better track of all time and ho I use it.  So, this week, I will be mindful not to fall into emotional eating, but I will not be too strict with anything either so I don’t set up a sabotage angle for my plan.  I will nurture the part of me that’s anxious, not fight it.  I’m pretty sure this anxiety is deep-seated and related to with my relationship issues, and that’s nothing to take lightly.

New goals – new approach and not giving up on weight goals or anything else!

Starting a Weight Loss Diet (6-8 week time limit)

Day 1 of Diet – honest assessment/evaluation about extra weight

Dieting for me is a physical and emotional process.  My blog goal is to keep track daily of both physical and emotional progress/standing.  Sometimes it’s hard to know what you feel until you write about it.  Gaining weight is usually an unconscious process whereas weight loss typically requires very conscious attention.   And this was definitely an emotionally based weight gain, so I want to make sure I stay “awake” for this.

This is really kind of depressing.  It wasn’t that long ago that I was not 15 pounds overweight.  4 months ago I was thin.  5 months ago I was even thinner.  In fact, 4  months ago I had been thinking that I wanted to lose a few pounds and make that my new “regular weight” (I was still feeling very buoyant about my new lower weight the month before).  I was thinking it would be nice to have a little “buffer zone” so I could have a little binge every once in a while.

Anyway, that was then.

Today, on March 28th, the first day of my diet – I am definitely overweight (15 pounds) and fighting an overwhelming sense of self-loathing.  Part of that is because I allowed myself one last binge day yesterday (in anticipation of my planned diet) and I regret it today.  What was I thinking?  It doesn’t help lessen the cravings, at all, to binge.  I know this why?  From experience.  But being unable to change yesterday (or the last 4 months of yesterdays),  I hope it will be motivating. That’s another reason I am writing about this – I want to head off my self-destructive thoughts/behaviors and replace them with positive affirmations/actions.  If I write down what I am thinking and feeling, it seems to help, so here goes.  Although I’m sick of thinking about it, I’m gong to, so I might as well make the process as positive as possible.

I think this is a very common thing for women when it comes to weight and having more than we want – self-hate really escalates.  At least it seems to be a common denominator with most of the women I know or have known.  Occasionally I am surprised by a woman who just digs in like it’s just another project/goal and doesn’t beat herself up along the way.  Not that common though in my experience and certainly not the way my mind works.  I can be very encouraging with others, but for myself?  I struggle with low self-esteem.  My mind is not my friend.  It’s ready to pounce and tell me everything that’s wrong with me – even if it has nothing to do with my weight.  I mean, why does my mind keep throwing out “fat and stupid”?

I’m not stupid and I’m not even that fat – I’m just a little discouraged because I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror.  Of course, I can avoid the mirror, but the reality check is that  my fitted, number-sized clothes are tight or don’t fit at all.  I am mostly wearing my stretchy workout clothes that fit me plus or minus 10-15 pounds.  I work from home, so I don’t have to wear regular clothes unless I go out – but that’s not an issue at the moment.  (See “derailment” below).

I have bought the thin version of beauty – for better and for worse.  I know I prefer to be thin.  I look better and I feel better, but I hate the anxiety of the whole struggle.  I’m in my late 40’s and it’s harder to stay thin than it used to be for me.  Most of my life I have mostly been average to slim (size 4 or 6).  Since my late thirties, I have to go to the gym often and regularly and I have to really limit calories to be thin.   So if anything “derails” me (usually it is something emotional) and I let myself go a little or a lot – it shows up fast.  The derailment this time?  Unlucky in love……

Which brings me back to now and what I want to accomplish with this blog.  In addition to my physical goal which is to be 15 pounds thinner in 6-8 weeks – back in my “thin clothes” and ready to wear and look good in a 2-piece bathing suit.  And you know what, I don’t even own a 2-piece suit – it will be my victory purchase.  Unless I buy one now (I currently have one saved on-line – see below) and use it to motivate myself as I start to visualize my self thin again.  I could hang it up so I see it everyday – on the back of my door as a reminder of the goal.

Here is what I plan to do:

Week 1:  Food/Diet & Exercise

• soup
• lean proteins + veggies
• no carbs, no alcohol, no desserts
• gym, 6 days out of 7 (Sundays off)
• aerobic (45 mins to 1 hour each visit)
• weight training (15 mins to half hour each visit)
• log daily detailed food intake and gym visits

I could use some weight loss/exercise buddies – if anyone reads this and wants to join in over the next 6-8 weeks. I will keep posting and will be honest about the process.  I will let you know how the first week goes with a progress report next Sunday.  If you feel inclined, please give feedback, self-motivation tips/tricks, whatever – I can use help and I am not usually one to ask, so I’m giving it a shot! 

Wish me luck : )